Lows and high of becoming a mountain guide

Part I: Alpine Exam

As I flew back to Seattle from a summer of guiding in Europe in early August, I was really excited to explore a little more of the Cascades and check out some the routes we were going to do. I called my friend Willie Benegas to see what his plans were. He said he was going with Craig Luebben to climb the unfamed Torrent-Forbidden traverse in Boston Basin starting the following day. I told him I would come along. Since the weather didn’t look great, I bailed on them and instead headed to Leavenworth with Forest McBrian – another guide and fellow candidate.

The weather was beautiful that day and I started regretting not going on the climb with Willie and Craig, as there was a great chance of us doing this route on the exam. I had gone on it the year before with my husband, Adam, and had hated the sheer looseness of the climb. I thought then that I didn’t need to do this climb twice and that I would just onsight it on an exam if I had to, but had no interest in doing it for myself and he had bailed.

I called Willie after coming down from the Dragontail in Leavenworth to check on how it had gone for them. I teased him, hoping for him to say that they had not been able to climb it because of the rain. Yet, he uttered in a faint voice and with his strong Argentinian accent: “No, there has been accident. Craig is dead”. I couldn’t grasp what he was saying. I must have misunderstood. I had him repeat the unthinkable. Craig Luebben – AMGA instructor, guide, mentor to many, creator of the Big Bros, writer of books, father and husband – had fallen with one of his favorite elements – ice – and had been killed by it? And Willie suffered injuries to one leg? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I was meant to have been with them that day, on that climb. I hadn’t gone. What if I had gone with them? What if…

The news spread like fire. All the candidates on the Alpine Exam and the examiners were shell-shoked. Craig was meant to retake his exams to get his Alpine Certification with Dale Remsberg and this was the reason he had been up there that day, to train. Willie was meant to be on the exam with us, and now he wasn’t going to be there, leaving a loud void within the group. It was all very eerie. The tone for the exam was set: be aware, be conservative with the terrain. The exam started with a minute of silence for Craig and his family. A great loss we all acknowledged. A reminder of our mortality, especially up there in the mountains. With a very warm summer in the northwest this summer – temps broke a historical 100F! – conditions, as we would soon witness – had rapidly deteriorated in the mountains.

Our group of four candidates – Dave Ahrens, Ben Mitchell, Ian Nicholson and myself – along with our examiners – Dale Remsberg and Marc Chauvin – headed up into Boston Basin, home to the Mount Torment, Forbidden Peak, Sharkin Tower, Boston Peak and Sahale. We were instantly shocked by how dry conditions were. Out of respect for Craig, the Torment Forbidden Traverse no longer was an option. We therefore headed up and over the crazily chossy Sharkin Col to camp on a col at the base of the north ridge of Forbidden. The following day, we did crevasse rescue on the glacier and went and scoped out the following day’s objective. On Day 4 (Day 1 was spent doing movement skills exams on rock: climbing a 5.10 route in shoes, 5.8 in boots and 4 class terrain speed traveling at Mount Eerie), we woke up early to climb the NW face of Forbidden (Ben, Dale and I), while Ian, Dave and Marc climbed the North Rib of Forbidden – a parallel buttress.

Crossing the moat that morning was one of those intensely scary experiences, where you feel that you should not be where you are: the only place to cross was on a thin rib of rather soft snow barely touching the rock and hanging over 500ft of void. Gloups. The once NW face of Forbidden was now a few pitches of ice, leading to broken rock and more ice. The mountain was a mere the image of itself. I led most of the day that day since I hadn’t lead on Day 2. Day 5, we climbed Sharfin Tower and left Boston Basin. The initial plan had been to swap areas with the other group – Dawn Glanc, Forest McBrian, Danny Ulhmann, Keith Garvey and Tom Hargis. They were in the Marble Creek Cirque, climbing the west arete of Eldorado and Early Morning Spire.

Yet, moats were also very dangerous there and they had almost all gotten killed by a car size boulder which fell right where they were standing only a few minutes earlier. Going in there was no longer an option. So we headed to Washington Pass, a much welcome trade-off, where beautiful weather and granite spires greeted us. Our program consisted of Cutthroat, South Early Winter Spire, Liberty Bell’s NW face, and Spontaneity Arete on the Petit Cheval. One more day of climbing around Bellingham and it was all over already.

Time on the exam flew by with climbing, prepping for the next days climbs, writing tour plans, stress (although our examiners did an amazing job at mitigating that aspect of the exam), driving to and from places. With this year’s new rule, we now had to wait for the results. Our examiners prepared us for what to expect, yet until you see it in print, you just can’t be a 100% sure that you passed. For the “instant reward” kinda girl that I am, there just isn’t much more frustrating.

The sound of my new iPhone resonates in my car. It’s Ian Nicholson, one of my partners on our August 16-26th 2009 Alpine Exam: “Caroline, I am so happy! I passed!!!” he exclaims. Wait a minute, I wonder. How does he know. Lucky for us: the results have been published earlier than planned! I am one click away from finding out. And there it is…

As I scroll down the my.amga.com page, the word “Pass”, written next to “Alpine Exam” has never yet shone so brightly. Excitement and pride translate into a big wide grin on my face. I am one step closer! Closer to what? Well, to have this lifelong dream of mine come true: that of becoming an IFMGA (International Federation of Mountain Guides Associations) certified guide, a world-wide recognized mountain guide.

Next? As I write these words, I am in the midst of unpacking from this exam and packing for my next one: the rock exam in Vegas. After that, I’ll consider signing up for the ski exam next spring. But right now, I am just happy with having come this far. One step at a time, and now, one exam at a time…

After a great trip to Alps, I flew to Anchorage, AK with Adam. Both he and I respectively had AMGA exams and advanced courses to take(www.amga.com) My friend Angela Hawse had been waiting for me there for a few days because I had had to postpone my flight there due to some health issues (see Les Droites entry).

Yet, as soon as I got there, we drove 6hours from Anchorage to Valdez – the world’s heliski mecca – to start checking out the terrain we were going to be examined on. And this is what we found…

Long story short (will let the pictures speak for themselves), this course made my dreams of becoming an aspirant guide a reality. After taking the advanced alpine and rock this past fall and the level III AIARE course in March, this was the missing piece to the puzzle. This has been a very dear dream of mine. I have had to fight for this dream and believe in it in ways I had never before had to. It’s been the most amazing journey, one filled with hope, happiness, sadness, deep grief and sorrow, challenges, learning experiences, amazing travels, and mostly amazing people. I am greatful for it ALL. I am greatful for having believed and for people who believed in me.

I am now so excited for the journey ahead. I am still a ways away from getting the full certification but for now, I am just happy to be where I’m at…

Berlin Wall

While training, we got baseline information regarding the snowpack. The black line is the ash layer from when Mount Redoubt erupted late March. Impressive. This layer however made for really poor skiing, when, a few days later, it came to the surface on southerly aspects.

The Worthington Glacier

Eric Larsen building a sled, training for our sled lower drill

Skiing through seracs on the so called 27mile glacier

Getting a ride back to the car on a Harley… in Alaska, the law is that the passenger needs to wear a helmet, but not the driver of the bike… no comment!

Skiing down the mighty Cherry Couloir on Python Peak…. holy steepness!

The Cherry Couloir on Python Peak

Our instructor, Howie Schwartz making radio contact on the Worthington Glacier

Crevasse rescue training

Time to fly… we flew into a remote area of the range for a three day traverse with all our camping and skiing gear on our backs

Where we were dropped off

Beautiful ridge climb

Camping on day 1 of the traverse with Angela Hawse on a nice and flat rock

Inside the tent

The neverending Tonsina Glacier… miles and miles of flat… gotta love that…

Forest and I getting our evening debrief on day 2 of the traverse and day 1 of our exams. We are hiding from the blistering sun in the tent

Our camp below Hoodoo Col

View on Girls Mountain and the Hoodoo Glacier… gorgeous. last day of the three day traverse

Climbing up to Girls Mountain

Communicating bears

It’s Sunday morning, and my flight back to Salt Lake City, and then on to Alaska leaves Tuesday. The weather is looking awesome. Conditions are great all over the Alps. Big north faces are fat. I feels like I don’t have much time to spare to actually go climb any north face, much less the north face of the Droites.

The north face of the Droites, located on the Argentiere Basin in Chamonix, France, is a 1000m long ice and mixed route that tops out at a notch right below this 4001meter peak. It’s described as very austere and cold and requiring outstanding training. Growing up in the Alps and having climbed the classic great north faces -Eiger, Matterhorn, Grandes Jorasses, Piz Badile – the Droites was really the last one I was looking forward to climbing. I was however not alone with this desire.

We arrived at the top of the Grands Montets cable car to find 20 other climbers ready to spend the night on the drafty hallways’ cold damp concrete floor. He looked at other people’s gear, tried to catch parts of their conversations to figure out where each one was going. Word on the mountain was that a lot of people were camping at the base of the Ginat to get a head start and 8 of us from the cable car were going on the Ginat. We decided on a 2am start.

With our skinny short heavy skis, we tried to ski in the dark with our mountain climbing boot, but conditions on the traverse to the base were pretty icy and walking seemed like a faster solution.
Already, we were regretting having brought them along with us. Nearing the base, we saw that three parties were already on the wall and more parties were coming up from the glacier and from the cable car. Although this is an ice climb – 1000m of it – no one thought twice about the ice climbing rule: never climb below another another party for fear of getting hammered by ice.

all went along, trying to be courteous with each other, climbing over each others ropes, clipping into each other’s gear. The real Chamonix experience…

the face suddenly no longer felt cold or austere for that matter. We simul-climbed most of the way to the head wall and pitched out the upper section to the notch. Conditions on the mountain were outstanding. The climb had been done so much that it was all hooked out and the ice wasn’t so brittle, which helped with moving faster.

Once at the notch, we did 10-15 rappels down the couloir to the glacier below. This is when the crux of the climb really started. We strapped our little skinny skis on and started down the 2500m left to Chamonix. The snow however was isothermic with a slight refreeze on top (which didn’t hold our weight), which made turning impossible. So, we resorted to doing super long traverses with kickturns at each end. Brutal. We must have done over a thousand of them! or so it felt. We laughed and cried the whole way. I was desperately hoping that once we’d hit the Mer de Glace, things would get smoother.

But no! we hit refrozen deep ski tracks, which made even snowplowing impossible. I push on, while Adam opted for walking, skis in hand and we were going just as fast the one as the other! Grrrr. As we kept going, the snow softened a bit. It was almost enjoyable. When suddenly, Adam decided to cross what he thought was ice, but really was a deep puddle of water! I mean, could anything go worse! A week earlier, we had skied down all the way to Chamonix and as we reached the “Buvette” to start going down the trail to Chamonix, we realized it had all melted out! Haaaaahaaaa! With endless frustration, we put our skis on our packs for the last time, switched our brain on off to stop feeling the pain, and sucked it up, walking all the way down to Chamonix.

We arrived in the late hours of the night/ wee hour of the morning and went straight to bed. A few hours of sleep and I had to get up to pack and catch my flight from Geneva. This was ending a crazy month for me: flying back from Nepal after the Khumbu Climbing School, taking the Level III AIARE course in Silverton, CO, driving back to SLC, down to Vegas for the Red Rocks Rdv (teaching clinics during the day and doing a legal translation at night), dribing to SLC, flying to Switzerland and visiting people/skiing as much as possible. I was on such a go-go-go mode that I failed to see the extreme fatigue symptoms. They all came crashing down on me that last day. The day of my flight. By noon, I could no longer stand up and was suffering from intense pain in my stomach. The doctor diagnosed me with gallbladder issues. As a result, my had to cancel both my flight to SLC and further on to Alaska.

I got to do all the things I love and wanted to do, but sometimes, slowing down is the only way to keep going. With these issues, I was forced to rest and be in bed for the first time in ages. it felt really good and made me ready to deal with what was coming up: my AMGA advanced ski course in Valdez, Alaska…. to be followed on my next blog!

To read about our experience with the Khumbu Climbing School, please check Part I of III of the story on the new Petzl North America Website: http://petzl.com/us/outdoor/news-2/2009/04/23/khumbu-climbing-school

Each year, I look forward to the Ouray Ice Festival, in Colorado. Three years ago, I moved to the USA, drove to the Ice Fest and met my husband there. So naturally, this event holds a special place in my heart. It’s also a time to see friends again, catch up on the past year, make plans for the new year.It’s conforting to check back in with a the nomadic climbing community, share stories, party, climb… and compete!

Competing is how I actually started ice climbing. I was hanging out with my ex boyfriend at an ice world cup event in Couchevel, France, when someone suggested i enter the comp. I had never ice climbed before and made a total fool of myself. Yet, something clicked and I was hooked. I spent the following three years competing while attending law school in Switzerland and eventually quit competing for the mountains. Yet, there was one more event I was hoping to attend someday: the Ouray Ice Festival. So, when I moved to the USA, it was only natural that I would take my first ever USA roadtrip to compete there.

The scenery was breath-taking: red rock cliffs plastered with ice and snow, a little town straight out of a Western surrounded by dramatic mountains, and in the heart of it all, a deep canyon where hundreds of ice and mixed lines begged to be climbed. I was blownaway. Instantly, I fell in love with the place… and with a man 🙂

I have attended every event since. This year, it was an invitationnal only event and I was lucky to be invited to compete on my friend Vince Anderson’s route. I met Vince almost ten years ago at Festiglace (an ice climbing competition in Quebec)and we have been friends since then. He is local and was the one who inspired me to attend this event in the first place.

The route started with a long pitch of steep ice, which we toproped to the start of the rock. From there, the angle of the terrain went from vertical to horizontal. It hurt my neck to look up at the line of free hanging draws and green spots on the rock, pointing out where some of the holds were. The line followed the lip of a steep roof, offering a mix of ice and rock for the tools, but nothing in the ways of feet…at least for someone my height! I resorted to heel hooking (with no spurs…ah the rules!)to relieve my arms. I wasted a lot of energy trying to clip the first bolt but kept going, shaking out on each hold. The pump was insane. My only training for the event had been in my backyard, hanging from tools on the swing in my backyard, doing pull ups and knee raises, and climbing in the park the previous days. Eventually, I reached what would be the last hold for me on this climb, and hung on a while, desperately hoping to make one more move… which didn’t happen! Come to find out, the three first – Dawn, Zoe and I – tied on the same hold and time is what broke us apart. Since I hung on the longest, I came in third. I lost sleep over it, imagining that one more move…that one more move that could have made the difference.

I am now in Singapore, flying to work for the Khumbu Climbing School (www.alexlowe.org/KCS) and the ice festival is long gone. And so are the results. What remains is this: I got on one of the best mixed route I have ever been on – Heavy Petting is the name of the comp route -, got to share some amazing times with amazing friends, sent a beautiful route – Chinese Water Torture, enjoyed teaching clinics, was inspired by slideshows given by friends and I can’t wait to go back next year!

Just got back from the Bozeman Ice Festival in Montana. What a great event! Check it out @ http://www.montanaalpineguides.com/bozemanicefestival/index.html.

Adam and I drove to Bozeman straight from Zion, where I belayed him for his free ascent of Moonlight Buttress (http://mountainproject.com/v/utah/zion_national_park/moonlight_buttress/106138026?highlightphrase=moonlight+buttress&). He really wanted to send it before he turned 30, on December 4th, so needless to say that he did not have much time ahead of him to send. It took him only 3-4 tries to send the whole route, which was lucky, because despite the route being “only” 5hours away, it’s still 5 hours away! I was really psyched for him and inspired by his ability to just get it done, so fast!

We drove through a snow storm to get to Bozeman and ended up staying at my friend Amy Bullard’s house for the night. Together with her husband, she built the most beautiful and cozy house I have ever seen and it was a treat to be there for the night, sleeping by the warm chimney and eating a home made mix of porridge in the morning.

The Icebreaker comp started at 7am the following day, in Hylite Canyon. We had been randomly paired the previous day with local women, for the women, and men for the men. I was lucky to climb with the person I was really hoping to climb with: Sarah Hueniken, who I had climbed in Iceland with and guided for Chicks with Picks with. She had the comp the previous year and won and was now considered a local, although she had only climbed there once before! The goal was to climb as many pitches as possible in the day, hitting three of four areas in the canyon. Needless to say, the comp ended up being 70% hiking for 30% walking. I am definitely more into the opposite ratio: 70% cimbing for 30% hiking, if that! But all the same it was really fun… and cold! my lungs were not acclimated to cold temps at the point and I feel that I have been coughing since then. Or maybe it’s because I fell into the frozen creek, getting soaked all the way to mid thigh! To win this comp, it’s good have a strategy and know that this strategy should include climbing as many short pitches as possible, versus longer routes, which earn less points. Next year, I’ll know better. Also, I’ll know what to expect more. And I’ll try to not have this be the first day of ice climbing of the year for me! Jen Olson and Lilla Molnar – from Canada – won the title, crushing our score! Way to go to both of them!

I rushed back to give a slideshow and then taught clinics to women the next day! It was all really fun and met some amazing people. What struck me the most is everyone’s kindess and fairness. I look forward to coming back to this event!

Thanks to all the organizer and volunteers for me making it happen, and a special thanks to Amy and Jojo for all their hard work!

Now, let the temps drop and plaster our local crags with ice!

Women’s night. The evening is slowly winding down. A few of us are sitting in the kitchen while another handful of ladies are talking in the living room. Two women come in from the living room and crack up laughing as they hear our conversation.

We are all in our early or late thirties. We are mostly all climbers. We are all wondering if having babies is a must. None of us feels the urge; the clock ticking; the intense desire for “that” kind of responsabilities. Yet, we all wonder. We are all nagged by what, at our age, we are expected to do: having babies.

We live in a time of choice, where we can have kids or not, we can be women with a job – or not, we can become president of jobs who were men only jobs just yesterday, we can be married or single or divorced and it’s no longer stigmatized, we can be gay, straight, bisexual, we can live anywhere we want.

But with choices come questions, existentialism, a loss of social status that we need to reinvent on our own. We now need to define who we are, who we want to be, on our own, because we no longer have to obay social structures. But defining oneself is no easy task. What is my role as a women in the world? what is the role of a man in the modern world?

At 32, I wonder. Deeply. I went to law school, knowing that law “wasn’t my thing”, but I decided to push through and finish. I did. Later, I started going through the mountain guide certification . I love the mountains. I love people. I will finish my certification. Yet, I need to be fulfilled both physically – my guiding and climbing life – and intellectually. I need the latter to be motivated in the physical realm. I need to find a balance between the two to be fulfilled. Yet, at 32, I wonder what it is going to take to satisfy my intellect: going back to school is stimulating, yet, how much sense does it make, when I am at the age when women should be thinking about having children. Shouldn’t I be just having kids? but to have kids I need to be making money, and to make money I need to be going back to school. And all the while, I want to climb, climb and climb. And I still feel no urge to have kids. But I feel like I should be wanting to have them. And sometimes, I feel that I want them, because I feel it would bring an easy answer to the turmoil of life questions.

As Emery said tonight, you can’t have kids to find fulfilment in your life. You need to find fulfillment within you first. But what is fulfillment: is it being where you are socially expected to be at? is it being successful in your job? is it having babies? or is it having defined what you expect yourself to be and being just that? or maybe, it’s just being satisfied with what you have right now…

I wonder….

The elections are taking place today and I can barely stand still. I have lost sleep over it. I am just as antsy and excited as I was twenty years ago, waiting to open my presents over Christmas. The tension is high everywhere. I have never seen so many people stand up for what they believe in: people express their opinion by putting up signs in their front lawns; friends are sending text messages as a reminder to vote; some Facebook members have given their status away to remind the world to vote, others – from countries around the world – are urging us Americans to vote; parties and celebration are being organized to celebrate Obama, because who could imagine that anyone else would get elected? Even my yoga teacher has made the elections a part of her class opening speech. Yesterday, in class, she was talking about how she has butterflies in her belly, because she is so worried about the election outcome. I, myself, have been loosing sleep over it. I am frightened by Sarah Palin’s appalling lack of experience in every issue this country is dealing with and in her inability to actually build a proper sentence! She is not fit to be the VP of one of the most powerful nation in the world!

I live a sheltered life, within a community who will vote for Obama because that community – the outdoor community – is sick of this useless war, worries about the environment, about health care, women’s right, and much more. A few days ago though, I was exposed to people who have different views of this country’s future. And, although I had never voted before and thought that I had no political opinion, I felt personally attacked that anyone could even envision voting for McCain, especially since he chose Palin as his VP – an illiterate, uneducated, unworldly, contradictory women who is against women’s rights, on top of it all! It is scary that this woman could one day be the president of the most powerful nation on earth.

Again at yoga though, that same teacher expressed that right now is a great time to practice tolerance. She said that, but I could see how hard it was for her too to put that in practice. How can one be tolerant when your own values and ethics are at stake? When everything you believe in has been trashed for the past 8 years and there is now hope to remedy to what Bush has done to this country? I love this country and I feel that I know what is best for it. Much like the rest of the people surrounding me. But truth is, everything is relative, and people voting for the other party are probably feeling just as cheated by me as I am by them.

In the light of this perspective, I realized that my intolerance of other’s views of politics is the same intolerance leading to wars, leading to people voting to protect their own little comforts, leading to people being afraid of change, and therefore leading people to vote McCain / Palin. This perspective has helped accept that not everyone will vote Obama today and be somewhat OK with it. We can agree to disagree.

As a friend just wrote to me:

“It will be what it will be (the election that is)… nothing to worry about. Barak by a landslide 🙂

And, if I’m wrong, which is often the case, McCain is an okay guy. He means well for the most part. If for some reason Palin ended up in the driver’s seat, impeachment is always a handy tool that is possible.

And, if things become incredibly unbearable, Canada has great climbing!”

But let’s hope that we don’t have to move. Let’s hope that everyone votes. Let’s hope there will be no cheating this time. Let’s hope that people vote for freedom. The real freedom: that which is not imposed by fear and war. Vote for change! Vote OBAMA!